Dardrops

Ah, the confusion of parenting! People angst about a lot of things in life – career, relationships, identity. But I think parenting is the one we angst over the most.

Why? Because we feel that the way our kids “turn out” reflects on us. There is an unspoken consensus that our kids are just an extension of us. How they behave and perform feels like a window into what goes on in our home. And that is scary! Really, how many of us would want a reality television show about our family broadcast around the world?

There are expectations coming at us from all over the place.

Grandparents always seem to have something to say to us about our parenting. It doesn’t seem to matter how good (or bad) they were at it, they always seem to want to give their 2 cents worth. “I never let YOU get away with stuff like that!” “Kids these days!” “If he were MY kid, I’d….”

Family members, whether close relations or not, also have an opinion. The most commonly used statement seems to be, “In our family, we do it this way. You ought to try it.” Not to mention the unspoken but clearly understood judgments that come your way when the kids are misbehaving at the family reunion.

Schools, too, inflict their value system on us. There is a lot of pressure on kids and parents. There’s a very specific mold that kids are supposed to fit into. Most kids never seem to make the grade unless they are top students or athletes or just really good at blowing smoke at the teachers. (I was one of those kids.) I recently spent a day at my youngest son’s junior high school and was struck by the amount of pressure that is put on these kids. Their day is packed full from the first bell, each teacher piling on expectations. And it seems that a student’s performance on the standardized tests is a reflection not just on the student but on the teacher, too.  And they pass that pressure onto the parents.

We have a very flawed if not completely wrong view of identity. We draw our identity from all the wrong places. For example, we view ourselves from the lens of the culture which comes mostly from the media. Are we thin enough, smart enough, pretty or handsome enough? Do we have a degree from the right university? Is our house nice enough? Is it decorated with the right colors, the right furniture? Are our clothes from Macy’s or Walmart or the thrift store? Are our lawns weedless enough? Are our kids in the right extracurricular activities? Man, the list is endless.

We also frequently draw our identities from our families. Are we the good son/daughter or the bad one?  How are we doing following the “rules”, often unspoken, of our family? We’ll form our identities based on a negative or a positive reaction to our upbringing. We either struggle our entire lives to break free of our families or try to live up to them.

Here’s a scary thought. Our identities can also, falsely, be taken from our church communities. Are we spiritual enough, good enough, faithful enough to “hit the mark”?

All of these places are the wrong places to look. Just when we feel we’ve measured up to some standard, someone better comes along and  ruins it.

It’s one thing to live our lives based on the wrong identity but it’s even more tragic when we pass this along to our children. They are going to have a hard enough time figuring out their own identity let alone when they become responsible for bolstering ours.

We need to get our identities from the right source; otherwise the whole parenting adventure is one huge, selfish and frustrating endeavor. As a parent for 21 years, I always get a kick out of people who want to have children because they think children will love them back or fix their floundering marriage, or make life better for them. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Children, by their very nature, are powerless to give us anything. They are dependent, selfish creatures. They are demanding, self-absorbed, and as rawly sinful as they can be. They’ll run your “love bank” completely dry in no time. And that’s just as babies or young children. Just wait until they are teenagers! If our identities are based on the performance of our children, we are doomed. They are bound to disappoint.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being a parent. It has truly been one of the greatest adventures of my life. But it has also been God’s most effective wine press for me. Being a parent means there is no escape for our flesh. God can and does use parenting as a tool to bring us to brokenness and therefore to great joy. However, we can also choose to become more selfish and carnal. It does come down to the question of where the source of identity is.

For us Christians, our identities should be soundly locked on what God says about us.

We are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:26, 27) No other created being has this identity.

We are not animals, and contrary to a popular belief among parents, our kids aren’t either.

• We are free from condemnation. (Romans 8:1) Therefore, even when we mess up, God does not condemn or reject us.
• God’s love for us provides eternal security and real permanence. (Romans 8:39) Our kids do not. They will leave us someday and that is the way it should be.
• We have been given the Body of Christ. (Romans 12:5) When we are struggling and feel hopeless about our kids, our brothers and sisters in Christ are there to encourage and come alongside us. I can’t imagine being parent without all the incredible support I have had from my Body of Christ.
• God provides wisdom for parenting and all other things and gives His goodness to us. We do not have to strive to BE good. (1 Corinthians 1:30, 1 Corinthians 2:16) So even if our kids say they hate us, it shouldn’t shake our confidence or turn us into evil reactors. (If you are a parent of adolescents, you understand this already.)
• In the midst of spiritual warfare over our kids’ lives, God provides victory. (2 Corinthians 2:14)
• We actually are new creatures in Christ. (2Corinthians 5:17, Romans 6) The barriers of a dysfunctional family and/or personal sin no longer enslave us.
• Our new family IS God’s family. God is also the Father of our children. We are adopted sons and daughters, eternally secure with God, have received forgiveness for all our sin, have every spiritual blessing, are holy and blameless, have knowledge of His plan and get the joy of being a participant in it. (Ephesians 1)

So before we look further at the Parenting Challenge, it would be good to get our identities straight!

A Challenge to Parents, Part 3 coming soon.

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I have always been fascinated by Romans 5-8. If ever I doubt the inspiration of Scripture, I think of these four chapters. Only God could be so brilliant! So often, however, we take the theology there for granted. I believe we don’t really understand the ramifications of what God has done for us through Jesus. In Xenos, these four chapters have been taught and retaught. And yet, I often wonder if that, for many of us, they have become merely words on a page or knowledge in our heads. As one of those who feels that this may be true for me, I have started studying them again. While doing my own study using that wonderfully stupendous tool, Wordsearch, I have also been listening to Ray Stedman teach on them. I decided the best way to think this through was to think them through out loud, so to speak, and to share some of what Ray teaches on this.

Paul spends the first four chapters of Romans making the case that “none are righteous, not even one.” He begins with the rank, nonbelieving group of people who know of God’s existence, but deny Him to go their own way. He moves on to talk about the so-called “righteous,” those who believe they are already righteous in God’s eyes and view all others as the “heathen.” Paul is clear that no one can stand before God on the basis of their own goodness or righteousness. However, God loves us so much, He gave us Jesus to die in our place, and on the basis of our faith in what He has done, we are then DECLARED righteous. As you may remember, Paul uses Abraham’s faith as an example of how we, too, can be declared righteous.

Romans 4:20-25 (NASB)

²⁰ yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, ²¹ and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform. ²² Therefore It was also credited to him as righteousness.²³ Now not for his sake only was it written that it was credited to him, ²⁴ but for our sake also, to whom it will be credited, as those who believe in Him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead, ²⁵ He who was delivered over because of our transgressions, and was raised because of our justification.

Justification, as a review for those who may have forgotten, simply means to have been declared by God to be His friend, to be acceptable to Him, to be loved by Him. Just as Abraham was not declared a friend of God because of any righteousness of his own, we, too, merely receive it by faith. This faith is in a God who sent His only and perfect Son to die in our place to make a payment for our sin. God has promised that if we come before Him humbly, offering no good works of our own but accepting Jesus’ work on the cross, and ask that this payment apply to us, we then become justified by Him.

In chapter 5 Paul moves on, then, to trace the results that justification by faith brings. This struck me as profound not  because I’ve never heard it before but because it is not often the mode in which I operate. Therefore, I wanted to share it.

Romans 5:1-2 (NASB)
¹ Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.

The word “exult” (also often translated “rejoice”) is the key to this whole chapter. See also verses 3 and 11.

Romans 5:3 (NASB)
³ And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;

Romans 5:11 (NASB)
¹¹ And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.

Exultation is a product of justification, and it is what we learn to exult in that matters. Paul states that we can exult even in our tribulations!

Many Christians never seem to rejoice. To my detriment, this often applies to myself. But true Christian doctrine and an understanding of the facts produces a spirit that can’t help but rejoice! Not pretend rejoicing, either, but real rejoicing. Since this word “exult” or “rejoice” is repeated, we should come to the conclusion that this is important. As is often true in Scripture, the more something is repeated, the more important it is.

Ray Stedman states that we should learn to rejoice in three areas – our spiritual position, our present troubles, and in God Himself, our powerful friend. In this blog, I just want to deal with the first one found in the first two verses of Romans 5.

Romans 5:1-2 (NASB)
¹ Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.

There are three ways in which we can test whether we believe that we have been justified.

The first is that we now have peace with God. This is an important result as we remember that previous to our justification, we were at war with God. This war is now over. The conflict has ended and peace reigns supreme.

From what I understand from history books and classes and from talking to those who lived during World War II, fear dominated our country. The Japanese had actually attacked the United States. Germany and her allies had defeated most of Europe. The enemy seemed all-powerful and unstoppable. The loss of life on both sides of the war was incredible, not to mention the innocents that were murdered. This threat hung over the world for years and for some, it brought horrible death. I can only imagine what it was like at the end of World War II. After almost six years of the most horrific war ever seen by man, the joy on VE (victory in Europe) Day and VJ (victory in Japan) day was overwhelming. The Nazi threat had been eliminated. The Japanese suffered an ignominious defeat. The celebrating lasted for days and the following years brought an incredible increase in the quality of life for those in the West. Freedom! Peace! Security!

Now imagine being at war with the Creator God of the universe who not only has the power to destroy His creation but has every right to do so! But then suddenly, through no act of your own, there is suddenly peace with God. Freedom! Peace! Security! We lost our fear of God. He is no longer our judge, but our Father – loving, tenderhearted, compassionate. Although He still disciplines (for this is part of love,) He no longer has to act as our judge.

And because we are now at peace with God, there no longer remains any fear of death! Death is the shadow that looms over all of us from the moment of our birth.

Hebrews 2:14-15 (NASB)
¹⁴ Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, ¹⁵ and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.

The devil has access to our thoughts in the sense that he can insert fear into our minds without our being aware of it. If our peace goes away, we need to review our justification because justification means we no longer need to fear death.

Peace with God also provides us with an answer to the accusations of our own conscience when we sin. Justification by faith reminds us that our standing and acceptance before God NEVER depended on us. My own sin doesn’t even cancel out my justification. God has found a way to set aside my sin. What a wonderful balm to the guilty soul! We need to remember that it doesn’t matter how long we have walked with the Lord or how much we have served, we can still only stand on the ground of the merits of Jesus Christ on our behalf.

The second result of our justification is that we now have access to continued grace that enables us to stand amidst trials and difficulties. Imagine that for a moment. We have CONSTANT access to the God of the universe.

This may not be a concept that we often contemplate. In our western democracy, we take pride in the equality of all people. Each vote counts. But imagine a country where the king has the only vote that counts, where only his opinion and decrees have any power. This is the God who exists. He cannot stand to be in the presence of sin. He must judge sin and the sentence is death. However, this God is a loving God, unlike fallen and capricious, earthly rulers. Our God provided a free way out. Jesus has made payment for sin, and now we can boldly walk into God’s presence.

Hebrews 4:16 (NASB)
¹⁶ Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

The last result of our justification is that we rejoice in the glory of God. We have an anticipation of something beyond this present life. Jesus says,

John 14:19 (NASB)
¹⁹ “After a little while the world will no longer see Me, but you will see Me; because I live, you will live also.

Regardless of the conditions we live under here, we have the promise of God that we will live forever with Him in a new heaven and earth where sin and its consequences are forever gone. Even as we all live under a death sentence here, whether the prospect of an imminent demise or the surety that we will all die at some point, we are under the authority of a higher power. We can be killed in this life for our faith or we can die a more common death; but nevertheless, another country has our loyalty and it is waiting for us to arrive.

John 14:2-3 (NASB)
² “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. ³ “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.

I can’t wait. Thank you, Lord, for my justification!

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With this persecution occurring at this time, I have spent some time meditating on The Message. 1 Peter 3:15 says:

but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;
1 Peter 3:15 (NASB)

I’d like to claim Peter’s words here as our fellowship’s motto. We need to be clear on what our message is. We need to know how to respond and what to say.

It is a natural reaction, when wronged or lied about, to want to leap to our own, personal defense. We know we are wrongly accused. We know that all we are about is sharing the love Jesus gave to us with others. We lead a lifestyle that is consistent with Christ’s love but with humbleness because we know we often fail. We repent when we know we have been wrong. We love each other fervently, encourage each other to want for themselves what God wants for them, teach about what real, godly love is and exhort each other to practice this kind of love. We give the Gospel message to all we meet, when possible, and definitely introduce others to Jesus when they walk through our doors into one of our meetings. We are a close family. We love together, live out our lives together, suffer together, and rejoice together. But even more importantly, we are not a closed, tribal group. As Clive Calver said at the 2006 Xenos Summer Institute, we (Christians) are the only community who exists for the benefit of its nonmembers.

But we are now in a position to live this commitment and belief out in the real world. The very people we are trying to love and persuade that Jesus is the savior of the world are turning on our community and attempting to get us to shut up. This is where it gets difficult. How do we love them when they won’t let us?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Here’s what’s in my mind and heart. I can’t love them. It’s impossible for me. It’s impossible because I am a fallen, sinful, selfish, self-righteous woman. And frankly, even when I WANT to love, I am unable. But, and here’s the good news, Jesus CAN love them, and He has said He can love them through me. He can change my heart. In fact, He has changed my heart. Paul said,

I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:21-25 (NASB)

And one day, when all we who believed by faith in Jesus Christ, are together with Him, we will ALL be there by His grace and forgiveness. No longer will we look at each other and see each other’s sin. No longer will we be annoyed and bothered by the sin we see. Rather, we will be rejoicing that God was so loving and good that He paid the price for MY sin and now we can be together unhindered by out sin natures, glorifying God and loving each other perfectly. Wouldn’t it be just like God that we when we get to Heaven, we look across the room and see sitting there the very people who persecuted us? Would that not be the ultimate glorification of God? That we persevered through our trials here to love without condition so well, that the very people who hated us came into a relationship with the very Savior they hated seeing in us?

So here’s the message I want to communicate.

There is not one person now or ever that has been good enough to make it into God’s favor. We all decide to go our own way with our own ideas and do our own thing. And I am the foremost of sinners because in my self-righteousness, I don’t even see how sinful I am.

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Romans 3:23 (NASB)

All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
Isaiah 53:6 (NASB)

as it is written, “There is none righteous , not even one;
There is none who understands , There is none who seeks for God;
All have turned aside , together they have become useless ; There is none who does good , There is not even one.”
Romans 3:10-12 (NASB)

And yet this holy, righteous, perfect, Creator God loves me so much that instead of making me work really hard to TRY and make the grade, he sent His Son to die in my place and then God raised Him from the dead. Because of this I can now live for all eternity with Him.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. “For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
John 3:16-17 (NASB)

and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
1 Peter 2:24 (NASB)

When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.
Colossians 2:13-14 (NASB)

Now that I am His child, He heals me, gives me significance and real purpose, shows me where I can invest in something that lasts forever. I can love now, and am not limited to loving only those who love me. I can love all people. No longer am I a slave to my own sin or the sin in other’s lives. I am truly free. Even better, He gives me the power to live in this way.

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
Galatians 2:20 (NASB)

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (NASB)

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart,
1 Peter 1:22 (NASB)

Last, but certainly not least, I have a new family – an all inclusive family that loves all and even loves me when I’m sinful.

For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
1 Corinthians 12:13 (NASB)

As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming;
but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:14-16 (NASB)

That’s the message, unadorned, and beautiful without measure.

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit continues to transform me into the kind of woman who loves. The kind of woman who doesn’t take the credit but constantly points all in the direction of Jesus. The kind of woman who is in the kind of Body of Christ that is a beacon on a hill, light to the world, and salt that seasons.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden;
nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5:14-16 (NASB)

Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Colossians 4:5-6 (NASB)

“And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved.”
Acts 4:12 (NASB)

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There is something quite humbling about being a mom. I mean, before you have kids, there are things you think you have figured out. I mean, I’d gotten a college degree, snuck in a couple of years of graduate school, learned to develop love relationships, held down a job, paid my bills, got married. Really, I felt grown up! Not fully mature, I knew, but I thought, “Hey, I can do this!”

Then, I had kids. And my whole perception of myself changed. Where did that competent, confident woman go? I mean, really, how does a degree in biology/chemistry help you when your child is sick, crying, spitting up, pooping, crying, screaming, crying, pooping…you get the picture. And that’s just the first few years. Then the real work starts. The degree still doesn’t help. Trust me on this.

I guess I’m thinking about this because a young friend of mine had her first baby today. And another one of my young friends is expecting her first baby in October. I am so happy for them. Since my kids are older now, I am looking forward to having babies around again, watching their excitement about being parents for the first time, watching as they fall in love with their kids for no other reason than they are their kids. It’s exciting. It’s poignant. It’s…also a little heartbreaking. Because things in your life change so much, you’ll never see yourself the same way again. Your life will never, ever be the same again.

To tell you the truth, being a mom is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. College, grad school, jobs, ministry, marriage…just didn’t prepare me for it. Maybe I’m unique in this way. Maybe other women move easily into that role. Not me. I thought that since I’d been a kid once myself, that the whole parent thing would just come. After all, I’d watched my parents parent. If they could do it, well…certainly I could, too. Boy, was I naive!

With a job, you may start out not knowing too much about what you’re doing, but as time goes by, you learn what you’re doing, and you just keep doing it. The rules are pretty clear, the expectations are written down in a job description. You get an annual review so you know, clearly, what has to change so you can do a better job next year. You receive a salary that is compensatory with your abilities. If you do well, you get a raise. If you don’t, you don’t, but you understand what must be done to get a raise the next year. You can look at your coworkers and gage your performance based on theirs. Then, when your work day is done, you go home.

I love my boys. I think all three of them are the coolest people. Each unique, each uniquely gifted. They are fun, bright, and endlessly fascinating. I wouldn’t give up being a mom for all the money in the world. It’s been the most rewarding thing in the world. But…it’s also been hard. And you know what? I think it’s supposed to be.

Because here’s the thing. We live in a fallen and depraved world. Our kids, like us, are born fallen and depraved. As Christians, our job is to love our kids sacrificially (that means it costs us a great deal and not just money.) It also means we don’t have the right to demand anything back for ourselves. It’s raising them so they can go out and love other people sacrificially, whether or not they ever love us back in the same way. It’s raising them to leave us.

That’s what makes it so difficult. In our selfish American culture, there’s this idea that our kids exist for us. That you have kids so someone will love you back. So we love them to death, thinking that, “Hey, I’ve loved them so much, they are obligated to love me back.” However, it all backfired. Instead of getting kids who love us back, we get kids who think the world revolves around them, that love is owed them. It never occurs to them that since they were so loved, their response should be both gratitude to their parents and a sacrificial love for others.

Parenting is the ultimate challenge. We have to, on one hand, love our kids, be incredibly significant in their lives. We have to let them know that they are significant individuals and we love them no matter what. On the other hand, we must demand that our kids give love, too. And because they are fallen, they will not want to do this. We have to train them, discipline them to do this. That’s why it’s so hard. It’s not just making sure they can go to school and succeed, play sports and succeed, or go to work and succeed. It’s amazingly deeper than that. We have to make sure they know how to love, and love with commitment and sacrifice.

My husband and I find ourselves on the eve of sending our boys out into the world for good. My time as a “mom” with them is almost over. Now we will see, do they know how to love even a little? Do they know how to sacrificially serve other people? Have we done our job? Remember, no do-overs.

I also know they have a lot of growing up to do yet. Just like us, they will have to be sanctified and disciplined by the Lord. They’ll have to fail like we did. They’ll have to get smacked around by the world. But we have hopefully given them the foundation they need so they understand what God is doing in their lives. We pray the press on despite the sufferings and trials they will face.

Frankly, I have been extremely blessed. I have a secret weapon – my husband, Keith. He was born to be a dad. That coupled with his love for the Lord has been instrumental in helping me be a better mom. He’s both firm and fun, adult and child-like. He knows when to let things roll off his back and when to take things seriously. He knows when to push, and when to let things ride. I couldn’t have done it without him.

If you’re not married, choose wisely. Choose a man or woman of God. Choose someone who understands God’s type of love. Because once you’re married, no do-overs. I hope I’ve made wise decisions. But one wise decision I know I’ve made is my decision to marry Keith.

If you’re married, but no kids yet- think it through! Get your priorities straight. What are your goals for your kids? What kind of people do you want them to be? The answers to those questions are crucial. Don’t settle for what the world system says your kids should be. Talk to parents who have done it well. Talk to the kids of those parents and get their perspective. Don’t go into it blind. Because once they’re grown, no do-overs.

And to my two young friends – God bless. You’ll never do anything more significant in your life. But remember, you’re raising them to let them go. They are not yours to keep. They are yours for a short time, to teach them how to love. Teach them how to be significant. Because the next thing you know, they’re gone.

No do-overs.

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It’s that time of year again – spring break, Florida, adventure…raccoons, armadillos, lizards, swamp oaks, crabs, dolphins, pelicans, whales, alligators, the path of doom. And various and sundry other things that come with this annual trip.

I love this trip. There’s something that’s almost magical about it. I’m not sure exactly why it feels this way to me, but it does. It’s unusual for me to be so sentimental about things like this. I mean, frankly, because we always camp when we go there, it’s really a lot of work – packing, setting up, cooking outdoors, unpredictable weather, sand, bugs, and a lot of other inconveniences. But nevertheless, it is a truly magical time for me.

My son, Sean, actually discovered this Florida State Park back in 1998. My husband was taking the whole family along on a business trip to Orlando. We decided to camp to cut down on costs. We were taking our time getting down there, enjoying some much needed family time. Sean found a brochure on this state park. Since Fort Clinch is an old pre-Civil War site, it held great interest for him as he’s a Civil War buff. We’ve been going there ever since.

In the beginning, it was just our family – my husband Keith and I and our three sons, Sean, Kyle, and Connor. This may have been the “magical feeling” beginning. The two years before had been quite traumatic for us. We had moved to Northeastern Ohio, leaving behind family and friends. My husband was diagnosed with hepatitus C a year after that while I was pregnant with my third son, a big surprise. We were unsettled, frantically busy, and dealing with several-times-a-week treatment for the Hep C. Our oldest son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and our youngest son was showing signs of a similar disorder. Keith had also just started his own business. Frankly, we needed a break.

The first year was truly a wonderful time with our boys. We discovered the “path of doom” – a mysterious path that wound its way through the swamp oaks and spanish moss – and only traveled at night by Dad and his boys. It was wonderful and terrifying. One of those precious family memories. The boys saw their first dolphins and hunted for crabs on the beach. We caught lizards, saw alligators on the alligator walk, went into town every night for ice cream. We spent several afternoons at the beach. We built a fire every night, and Keith told scary stories. The boys, in return, made up ones of their own, giving their first efforts to storytelling in the McCallum tradition. The boys were still young enough that they still went to bed at a decent hour. Keith and I would then spend the rest of the evening reading and talking. It was wonderful.

All three of the boys, to this day, have a special connection to Fort Clinch. Being with them there once a year is like taking a snapshot – a visual sound bite – of their lives. I find myself remembering previous years and what they were like, what they talked about, what they were interested in. And then comparing it to what I see in the present. It has been fascinating.

I remember Sean as on 8-year-old, with his curly hair, his fascination with anything having to do with the civil war, his heavy interest in marine life. But he loves Fort Clinch not only for these things, but for the sense of tradition is now represents to him. He loves to revisit the same places we have in the past, do the same things we’ve done before, and spends a lot of time reliving previous visits. “Remember in 2001, Mom, when we…?” “Remember in 2004 when Dad…?” Sean has an incredible memory.

When I feel like time is moving so rapidly I can’t slow down, Sean has that ability to bring history and tradition to bear. He is an anchor, profoundly loyal, and increasingly precious. I’ve watched him grow from this fearful, rigid, and even bitter boy to a grateful and loving adult. I remember my fears and concerns for him as a young adolescent. I have watched him struggle and battle through things that the average boy doesn’t have to deal with and come out on the other side with a strong faith in God and a real concern for others. I am looking forward to seeing what God will do with this unique guy.

I remember Kyle as a bright-eyed, funny 7-year-old, speaking with a southern accent, pretending to be a captured Confederate soldier. He and Sean would run around the Fort, pretending they were fighting a battle, trying to stay in character. Then I remember him as a 12-year-old, just barely into adolescence. The “coolness” factor had just begun to matter to him. And yet, at Fort Clinch, that younger boy would peek out of his eyes, show himself in little ways. It was in Fort Clinch that I got the first glimpses of his strong personality, his need to lead, and his desire for a loyal group of friends. But mostly I began to see the man he would become. It was breathtaking. Still is. Of my three boys, he’s the most independent.

Next year at this time, he’ll be a college freshman, an adult, the first to leave home. This is our last year with our family all together. It’s both sad and joyous.

And then there’s our Connor – our gift from God. He was just 2-years-old the first year. But from the get-go, he has been our special light. Warm, funny, emotional, and loquacious. He’s so much younger than the other two that at times he’s been almost like a pet to them. He’s our emotional one – he holds relationships to be of primary importance. I offered to pay him $5.00 once if he would stop talking for 5 minutes.

He said, “I’d rather talk.” That’s our Connor. He and Sean are best friends. If Connor could become Sean, I think he would. They are such a provision for one another. I see it most in Fort Clinch. There’s Sean out investigating, appreciating nature, commenting on pollution and global warming, and who’s tagging along right at his heels? Connor. Who quotes Sean like he’s some sort of wise old sage? Connor. They look so much alike, we often call them Me and Mini-Me, although their personalities are polar opposites. But at heart, they are soul brothers.

This will be Connor’s last year as a little boy. Next year, he’ll be a teenager. I can’t believe it. And the thing I am concerned with most is – will his heart stay tender? Or will the world batter him into callousness? I don’t know, but I pray about it a lot. God has done amazing things with the other two and I trust He will do the same for Connor. But one thing I do know. This trip to Florida every year helps cement the memories and solidifies relationships.

Several years ago (I can’t remember the exact year) we began to take friends with us to Florida. The first time we did this, we took one of Kyle’s friends with us. The next year, a few more families joined us from NEOXenos. Since then, we’ve grown to almost 40 people camping out at the River Campground at Fort Clinch. It’s become a highlight of our year. It’s time for us to bond as friends, build memories together, pray together, and just have a riot. I can’t wait.

I have to admit – the thought of getting ready to go is daunting. It is so much work! The packing, planning, getting the van and camper ready to go. Whew! But…once we are all in that van heading to Florida on I-77 – it’s an adventure. One I wouldn’t miss for anything. I wonder what memories we’ll bring back with us?

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Hebrews 12:1,2

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

This has been my favorite passage since I came around to Xenos back in 1982. It had such a profound affect on me, coming first from a fundamentalist childhood full of legalism, through my rebellion, and then finally coming home for the first time to an incredible Body of Christ. It affected so profoundly because as I looked around my new home church, I saw direct evidence of people living out this passage. They were radical, full of integrity and passion, not hiding their sin, but freely confessing it.

It occurred to me then that THE reason they were so effective in at bringing people to Christ and discipling them is was not because they were good people, but because they were redeemed people. They knew they were sinners and were frankly surprised that God decided to use them at all. Their salvation was not just salvation from hell, but salvation from themselves.

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

Remember, too, that Hebrews 12 is in context with Hebrews 11 – the hall of fame of faith. When I read about how these great saints (though as screwed up and broken as anyone) were able to lead their lives for the Kingdom of God even though they knew they themselves would not receive the promise of God. As Hebrews 11 says,

3All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. 15And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them.

I became convinced that this was the type of life I wanted to live.

I’m not really sure how well I’m doing on that. I guess I quickly discovered that being able to lay aside all the sin that so easily entangles me is not that easy. My flesh cried out in pain to have to put aside all those things that I had previously relied on to give me comfort. I can say, though, that in the 27 years since making that decision to be a devoted follower of Christ, He took me at my word and began to change me – from the inside out – to use a popular cliche.

Several years ago, my fabulous mother-in-law (and yes, there is such a thing as a wonderful mother-in-law) used a picture to describe this walk of faith that we have in this world. She said to imagine that you are walking down a city street, carrying your suitcases on your way to a wonderful destination at the end of the street. At the end of the street is heaven, a breathing-taking sight, with Jesus standing there with open arms waiting for me to walk into them. However, I am not there yet. In the meantime, I am on the mean city streets. On both sides are buildings full of all kinds of worldly pleasures. The owners of these shops are calling out to me. “Please, stop, come into my store.: Here I can provide you with all the comforts you will ever need. Entertainment, pleasure, food. You will never feel any pain.”

At another shop, the owner calls out, “See. Look. Here’s an education for you that will put you at the top of your field. You will have prestige and fame if you come here. I can turn you into someone of value.”

And another shop, “I know you burdens are great and you are tired. Just stop here for awhile. Take a little spiritual vacation. It won’t hurt you. You can be on your way in a short while.”

And in ever shop you acquire more and more suitcases. More and more baggage to weigh you down, slow you down, or even make you stop.

All the distractions of world. But what they never tell you is your real destination lies not within these shops, not with what they have to offer you, but at the end of the street in Jesus’ arms. In fact, their job is to purposefully keep you away from Him.

And that is what Hebrews 12:1,2 is warning us about. Lay down those suitcases. They only slow you down, take away your joy, make your walk down the street burdensome rather than joyful. God provides all you need. And he DOES make you joyful, content. The kind that lasts.

The fact of the matter is for me, it’s been a wonderful life with Jesus. And I am looking forward to that “country of my own.” I’m looking forward to walking into His arms.

And I’m looking forward to seeing all my brothers and sisters in Christ there with me.

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